Choices
by PrityKity003
Summary: Spike returns to find Buffy living in LA with Angel. Now she has to choose between a Vampire she doesn't love or a Ghost she can't touch.
1. Chapter 1

The group stood in a circle as Angel ripped the envelope open and the amulet hit the floor. When a moment later Spike stood before them, she gasped, her hand covering her mouth. "Spike, is it really you ?" He smiled at her, a true genuine smile "Buffy, luv !" His arms opened wide and they stepped towards each other, only to pass through each other.

"What the hell ?" Spike groaned. "A ghost, I'm a bloody ghost ! " He shouted "Very funny !" He directed the comment to the ceiling, to The Powers That Be. "Spike, how ?" She asked, tears in her eyes, he turned back to her. "Don't know luv, " His hand raised to her cheek, skimming just over her skin. " but god how I missed you." Her actions mirroring his.

"Uh, wow." Angel commented stepping up beside Buffy and resting his hand on her shoulder, bring them back to reality. " Well, well. Peaches. " Spike commented dryly, pulling back from Buffy and looking between them.

" I see." He growled "I'm not even gone three bloody weeks Buffy ? And here you are, with him. Ya' know, I really did believe you, I just told you I didn't to get you out of there and make sure you were safe. God I'm such a ponce." He muttered, turning away from them.

"Spike, what are you doing here ?" Angel snapped, trying to take some heat off of Buffy "I don't bloody know !" He snapped back. " It seems some people have an interesting sense of humor around here. Or maybe this is my personal hell. Having to be in a world watching you two be together. " "Spike, " Buffy's voice addressed him quietly. "Save it Slayer" She visibly cringed at the title he hadn't used in so long.

With that he left the office, preparing to leave the building. But as he hit the front doors, he popped back into Angel's office. "Bloody hell !" He shouted, storming out of the office and down the hall, not knowing where he was going and not caring, just as long as he didn't have to be in the same room as the woman he loved most in this world and the man he hated most in this world.


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh my god" She whispered as Spike left the room a second time. The rest of the gang had all broken up to give the Slayer and older vampire some privacy.

"Buffy, I know this must be a big shock and …" He went to her pulling her into his arms. For a moment she reveled in the feeling of being held, having someone to be there to tell her it was ok. He kissed her forehead a few times and stroked her hair. "It'll be ok baby. We'll figure it out, together." As soon as the words hit her ears, she knew how untrue they were.

He meant well but this wasn't one of those times were she could make herself believe him. Pulling out of his arms, she brushed at the tears still clinging to her cheeks. "Buffy" he said softly, moving to pull her back into his arms, "No Angel," she whispered, taking another step back. "I need to be alone." With that she turned and left the room.

Going up to her own room on the apartment level of the building. When she got to her room, she picked up the black t-shirt that was laying on her bed and held it to her face, breathing in the intoxicating scent of Spike that was almost faded from the fabric. She slowly pulled off all of her clothes and slipped the well loved shirt on and crawled into bed, thinking of all that had happened in the last month and a half.

She and Spike had grown into a comfortable friendship near the end. He was still hurting, she could see it all the time. But they had an unspoken understanding that when it was over, they would see where they stood with each other and about what could happen between them in the future.

She had finally realized that she was in love with him and when she was finally being honest with herself, she had realized that she had been since just after she had come back from heaven. She had been so sure that they would all make it through the battle, like they always had, and when it was over, she was going to take him away for awhile, just the two of them and she was going to tell him and show him and convince him for as long as she needed to that she was truly in love with him.

All her hopes had been dashed when she realized exactly what the amulet's purpose was. Knowing he wouldn't make it out, she knew she couldn't let him die, for her, for the world, believing that she never loved him.

She desperately wanted him to know, to understand. So standing there, in the collapsing Hellmouth, fingers entwined, she had revealed her feelings to him and he had brushed them aside. _"No you don't, but thanks for saying it." _The words echoed in her mind as she pulled the blankets around her and stared at the ceiling. Then she was running and he was gone.

They'd come to LA to grieve and regroup. Coming to Wolfram and Hart had been a troubling decision for them. Knowing what it stood for and how it could have changed Angel and his group of friends made them leery.

But here they were and after a few days of laying in bed, constantly in tears, she had made herself get up and live. For Spike, her own personal champion, he told her once that he wanted to save the world, but she knew his decision was about saving her.

Somehow along the way, she and Angel had fallen into a routine. Though they hadn't discussed or labeled their relationship, they seemed to have slipped into a boyfriend/girlfriend way of interacting with each other. Flirting a little, hugs and a few stolen kisses, nothing pass a lingering kiss on the lips, comforting her when she did break down in the night over her lost lover. If things kept moving like they were, the pair would no doubt have been a couple again given some time.

But now Spike was back, as a ghost sure. But she could love him no matter what he was. She had already loved him as soulless vampire, why would this be so bad ? On the other hand, there was Angel. She still loved him and a part of her always would. He was her first love and that's not something you can just turn off.

It had, however, changed. She wasn't in love with him and after feeling the all consuming passion she had with Spike, she didn't think she ever could be. But it felt safe and comfortable.

At least she could touch him even if they couldn't make love, but who knows, that could change someday. With Spike she wouldn't even have that much. She knew that she had to make a choice though.

Tears started sliding down her cheeks as she thought of how unfair it was. She had just been willing to throw all her cares away and loose herself in her love for the most amazing man she'd ever met when he had been ripped from her.

Now he was back and she couldn't truly have him. She hated being the Slayer and even now that there were so many, she still couldn't get a break.

Sobbing, she kept playing memories over in her mind, *That night that he had held her so tightly as she slept, making her feel so safe and loved *The last night in her basement where they had truly made love for the first time, well, the first time for her, it had always been making love for him, no matter how rough or perverse Buffy had demanded him to be *The last few moments in the cave, her eyes pleading him to believe her. She would have wrapped her arms around him and kissed him and held him till they were both gone from this world, together.

Now she had to decide. Be with a vampire that she could never completely love, could never let herself be free with or beg Spike to believe her and live whatever life they could manage with his new ghostly status.

"_No you don't …"_ The words echoing in the chaos of her mind as she sobbed in her bed.


	3. Chapter 3

He had been wandering the building for hours. Once more he had tried to leave and popped back into Angel's office. The second time he'd gotten there just in time to see Buffy shutting the door as she left and on the other side of the office, Angel throwing a fit.

Although he knew none of the objects being thrown and smashed in the office could hurt him, he didn't want to deal with Angelus at the moment and had slipped out the door unseen in time to watch Buffy's retreating form.

As he wandered, he was unknowingly running through the same memories as Buffy was. He had been so sure there at the end, that she was finally going to allow herself to love him. Then the chance came to ensure she went on living and give her a more normal life.

Out of his love for her, he had taken the chance. _"I love you."_ The three words he'd been waiting his entire existence to hear, the words he'd been waiting to hear from her for several years, spoken with such sincerity, he had no choice but to believe.

But he could see something else in her eyes. She wanted his understanding and permission to give up on life and to die, again, this time in his arms. He savored those words for only a moment before saying the only thing he could think of to get her to leave.

The pain and resignation in her eyes when he said it almost broke him. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and allow her the release of the burden her life had become. He knew it was not only that, but she wanted to go out with him; to die in his arms.

He couldn't let her though, as he had told her once before, she have to go on living, so of them was living.

He heard her agonizing, gut wrenching sobs as he unknowingly walked down the hall her suite was connected to and as much as he wanted to keep going, he had to look in on her and make sure she wasn't hurt or in trouble, he had heard her cry a few times before, but nothing like this and it worried him.

He stepped through the wall and into the living room of her apartment. Going to the bedroom door, he looked in at the tiny blonde laying on her stomach in the large bed, looking smaller than he'd ever seen her.

Her hands covering her ears , her head turning back and forth trying to block out something he couldn't hear as her sobs ripped his heart to shreds. "Buffy" it was barely a whisper but she knew he was there, she could still sense him. "Spike!" she whispered in response, her sobs nearly chocking her.

He was at the bed in a moment, wishing in vain that he could hold her and comfort her. "I'm so sorry," She whispered to him. Not understanding what she meant, he assumed she meant that she was sorry about forgetting him and moving on, back to his sire.

He stiffened at her words and said nothing. She began to calm down, comforted by his mere presence. She rolled onto her side, one arm bent under her head to look up at him. "I'm sorry that I hurt you so much and I'm sorry I wasted so much time that we could have been together." She whispered to him, trying to read his face. After a moment he asked "But ?" Tears filled her eyes again. "I'm so confused again." He nodded and looked away from her, out the window at the skyline. "I was ready to take you away, tell you in how I felt. Let myself go and just be with you." She told him, moving to put her hand on his knee before remembering she couldn't. "You said that you believed me, when I told you that I love you, but you didn't then. Why ?" She asked softly. He looked back at her, the desire to hold her was making his arms ache, "I did believe you but I knew that if I let you know I believed you, you wouldn't have left. It was a chance for you to be free, to be normal. I wasn't gunna' be the reason that you died again." "Oh Spike," she sobbed, her hand covering her mouth. "From what I saw earlier, it looks like you have a decision to make, dontcha' Slayer ? Stay with your honey bear and hope that you can find a way around that happiness clause, if you haven't yet." The venom in his tone made her cringe. "Or throw away any chance you have for a mostly normal life and let yourself love a ghost and I can't even begin imagine how that relationship might work." She closed her eyes, wiping the tears away with the sheet. Useless as it was, they just kept coming. "I guess I'll make it easy for you Slayer. You love him and he loves you. He'll make you happy like I never could. I'll just hide in the basement till Peaches can figure a way for me to get out of here. You'll never see me again, won't even know that I'm here. Hope it works for you Slayer, all I ever wanted was for you to be happy, even if that means letting you go."

She looked up to see him half way across the room, moving towards the wall shared with the hallway. "Spike" she whimpered, her tears starting anew. He kept moving, every intention of ignoring her, no matter how much his heart was hurting. "Spike. Please ?" She sobbed bolting up in bed. "Please don't leave me !" She cried out to him, her heart shattering all over again and he could hear it in her voice.

He stopped and turned half way back to her, looking at her from beneath his eyelashes. "No baby, you're wrong." She whispered and if it hadn't been for his vampire hearing he wouldn't have heard her.

She pulled the blankets down and crawled to the end of the bed, wanting to be closer to him, she sat back on her knees "You won't make it easier for me. Don't you know by now ? It wouldn't have mattered if I had died with you, without I **am** dead. Angel made me feel a little better yes, but I could never feel about him the way I do about you. There is no choice to make. It's YOU Spike. I love you, with all my heart and soul. I can't live without you. I was trying, for you, cuz' it's what you wanted but it was just like when I came back from Heaven. I was dead inside and just going through the motions. But this time I didn't have you to help me through it. Angel could never take your place. I love you, it's you Spike, you're the one. "

By now the tears were streaming down his cheeks as well as hers and he had never wanted anything more, in his entire existence, than to pull her into his arms and hold her and kiss her and make love to her all night.

"Oh god luv" he cried dropping to his knees and crawling to the foot of the bed, laying his head on the mattress in front of her "I love you Buffy, so much, I love you more than anything." She lay down so they were face to face. "I love you to Spike, with all my heart; I don't ever want to be without you. I missed you so much. I will love you for all eternity."

Neither of them remembered his incorporeal state as they moved to join the hands that had burst into flames last time the were joined and leaned in to kiss each other. As their lips and hands met, their hands once again burst into flames.

They pulled back after a moment and looked at each other in awe, new tears of joy springing into their eyes. "Oh Christ, Buffy !" He moaned jumping into the bed and pulling her into his arms. They fought to get each other's clothes off and get under the sheet, desperate to feel each other's skin, cool against hot, a feeling they had both become addicted to. They made love over and over for hours. Declarations of love spoken on both parts every few moments. Till they fell asleep exhausted in each other's arms.


	4. Chapter 4

When they saw each other again, they were sharing a dream, in a room of pure white, Joyce stood before them.

"Mom ?" Buffy whispered in shock "Hi baby. " She whispered, hugging Buffy tightly "I've missed you so much mommy." Buffy whispered before pulling back to smile at her mother. " I know baby, I've been watching you. I was sent by The Powers, they decided it might be best to get a few things out in the open." Joyce told them, taking each of their hands and leading them to a plush white couch. "The two of you were meant to be together, you were made for each other." Spike smirked and tightened his grip around her shoulders at that. "I knew I always liked you." Joyce smiled cupping his cheek for a moment. "Spike had to die, it was the only way to close the Hellmouth for good. It was also seen as a way to give you a taste of your own medicine Buffy. You had to lose him to be sure. We needed you to be sure that you would allow him into your heart. You were made for each other, yes, but that didn't mean you'd allow yourselves to be together. You fought it so hard and for so long, no one was sure if it would matter in the end. " "So that's what brought me back to the land of the solid, Buffy's true declaration of love ?" Joyce just nodded in response. "So you wanted me to see how much I hurt without him, how much I really needed him." She said, though she already knew the truth of it. "Yeah, prity much. I'm sorry you had to go through that baby, you've had so much to deal with in your life. But it will make you stronger and it will make your relationship stronger. The Powers have chosen you two, I can't tell you what for yet and I can't for many, many years." She paused, letting that sink in. "It's almost time for me to go." Joyce said, taking their hands again. "So, important details. Spike, sunlight, crosses, wood. None if it will bother you anymore." His jaw dropped as he realized what that meant. "Buffy, you are being granted immortality. You will remain human, but now you will never be killed in a fight and you will spend eternity together. At some point, you will both get to rest, together, in heaven, but for now your needed on Earth."

Spike and Buffy gazed into each other's eyes, smiles lighting both their faces. Not only would neither of them would ever be alone again but they would be with the one they were destined to be with. "Alright you two, give me hugs, my time with you is up. " Joyce said, moving to hug Buffy tightly, "I'll be back from time to time. I'm so proud of you, I love you baby." She whispered to her daughter. "I love you too mommy." She whispered back as Joyce moved to hug Spike. "I know you'll take good care of her, I love you too, son." She whispered to the vampire who stood in shock. "I love you too … mum." He whispered in reply. With a final caress to both of their cheeks, she turned and walked away. As she began to fade away she turned back to the blondes, "One more thing. Congratulations."

They woke up in each other's arms "Wow." Buffy gasped. Spike smiled back "You can say that again luv." He kissed her passionately and rolled her on her back, wanting to make love again but she stopped him. "Spike, I have to talk to Angel." She said putting her hand on his chest.

He scowled down at her "What for ? After all mum told us, you still don't want to let him go just yet ?" He spat and rolled away from her. She wanted to get mad, but she understood that he was hurting and knew that her own previous actions were the only thing to blame.

She crawled over so that she was straddling his hips and held his hands up next to his head. "Don't do that baby." She whispered kissing him softly. He didn't pull away, but he was being stubborn and refused to kiss her back.

"After the last 12 hours how could you doubt my love for you ? You heard mom, we're meant to be and I'm done fighting it, I. LOVE. YOU. I'll do whatever I have to do to get you to believe me. All I'm saying is I think we should get dressed, call down to the cafeteria and have them put some lunch together for us. Then we go and tell Angel everything, after that, you and I go out for a picnic, in a sun drenched park. We'll come back here and make arrangements to leave first thing in the morning then we can spend all the time until then making love. "

His face had brightened when she had referred to Joyce as 'mom' instead of 'my mom' then again at the mention of telling Angel, he grinned at the idea of a sunlit picnic for the two of them, smiled at the idea of leaving there, together and his cheeks were starting to hurt from the all out smile that the mention of making love all night again had put there.

"Well luv, why didn't you say so ? I think all of that can be arranged then." He said leaning up to plant a firm, sweet kiss on her lips. She moaned into his mouth as his tongue teased hers. Knowing that she would spend every night for eternity with this man, excited her that much more and before either of them knew it, she was taking the lead and it wasn't going to end at a few kisses. Her last coherent thought was 'Well, that can all wait until later … or tomorrow. '


	5. Chapter 5

It had been 6 months since their reunion in LA. Now they were in London with the Scoobies and the new slayers, rebuilding the counsel and a new training facility for the slayers to come to learn their destiny.

Buffy sat excitedly waiting for Spike to come home. They lived in a nice home on the edge of The Base so that they had their privacy but were still near everyone else and the slayers.

She saw him pull up in his black Viper and ran out to meet him. "Hello luv" He greeted her, handing her a dozen roses as he did once a month on their anniversary and kissing her.

"I missed you." She moaned, hugging him tightly. "Well I'm sorry luv, I missed you too. I was only gone for a couple days though. Peaches lost his head, he needed my help." He smirked refereeing to the reason for his trip to Rome.

"I know, I was just lonely without you. This is the longest we've been apart since LA." He curled his tongue behind his teeth leering at her, "Oh I'll make it up to you luv, don't you worry about that, " He said as he scooped her up into his arms, making her giggle.

"And how is daddy's little girl ?" He asked, kissing Buffy's now exposed belly. "Were you good to Mummy while I was away ?" He asked softly kissing her again. "As a matter of fact, your daughter has been trying to drive me nuts." He chuckled as he started up the path to the house. "Uh oh, you're my daughter now, you must not be letting Mummy get any rest, are you ?" He asked his unborn child as Buffy rested her hand on her swollen belly and sighed. "Your son isn't behaving much better. " He laughed again "I'll have a word with the twins luv, later." He said kissing her hard and kicking the door shut behind them.


End file.
